He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist

Suggested Soundtrack:

Silent Sigh - Badly Drawn Boy

The title of this blog is a quote from Ronald Reagan. Although it doesn't fully fit the subject of this post, I find it funny. Just so ya know.

Cooking has never been something I have enjoyed, which before you say, some people do (enjoy I mean). I am actually a disaster in the kitchen.

My latest attempt to cook took place about half an hour ago. I was a little hungry and decided to make an egg in my new snazzy microwave egg cooker. This would be the first time I use the gadget and knowing the dangers of eating undercooked eggs I closely followed the instructions on the back, VERY closely, to the letter. I slightly butter the inside of the egg shaped device, which I imagine is an action taken to prevent the egg sticking. I then get my egg and try and crack it.

Disaster. The egg does indeed crack, but instead of cracking like they do on TV when the chefs do it with ease, I end up making the contents of the egg splat all over the place, covering me, the floor and the kitchen worktop (What actually are they called?). The little bit of egg that does end up in the egg cooker has pieces of shell in it. Great.

Attempt two of what is seemingly a simple task. After cleaning up, slightly buttering the inside of the now cleaned out microwave egg cooker, I get another egg. This time I try a new approach to cracking the egg, a way I once saw on TV. I used a knife. I was gentle at first, being very careful not to replicate attempt one. Lo and behold, the egg does not crack, infact nothing at all happens. So I take another hit, this time a little harder. Lo and behold, the egg cracks this time, once again the content practically explode out of the shell, or rather dribble out with finesse.

Attempt three. After cleaning up again, slightly buttering the microwave egg cooker for the third time (something I am now a pro at) after cleaning it, I get yet another egg. This time I prepare for the worst and make a vow to myself that if this fails the cup-a-soup will be the next choice. Would you believe, this time the egg cracks, without the contents spilling everywhere, without even getting a bit on my hands! Yes, the old 'third time lucky' prophecy came true. I pierce the yolk a few times as instructed and place the lid on the contraption, then place the whole thing into the microwave. The instructions said 30-60 seconds would be enough, and so 45 seconds was my time of choice.

Before I knew it I was practically shitting myself as I heard a pretty huge bang. Holding onto my heart I turn and make a dart for the microwave, slamming my finger firmly into the 'Open Door' button. There it was, the egg that took three previous attempts to get into the egg cooker, dead and limp, stuck to the sides of the microwave.

As if I was in a movie, the cherry on the top of this shit-fest of a cake came when one piece of notably over-cooked egg, how the fuck it was overcooked I have no idea, but this one piece of over-cooked egg fell from the side of the microwave as I stood staring into the wreck.