I'm an open minded guy. I enjoy finding out about new things, learning about religion and what people believe in, because if I am ignorant to it I can't honestly have an opinion on it. The thing I don't like is when people try and force something upon you, or doorstep you and post leaflets.
I respect the people who have a belief and a hope in something, people who follow something and love something, but I dislike it when they aim to convert the unconverted into it at every available chance.
I was once a Christian. Once, past tense. One of the things I hated was the fact that I was expected and told in the bible to 'spread the word', to save the immortal souls of those who had not recieved the message, who had not heard the good news, or gospel. This good news was that God so loved the world he sent his one and only son Jesus Christ to die for me. I didn't want people learning about it and knowing about it through a leaflet, or me preaching every two seconds about how great and loving the Lord was. When I found Christianity, it happened naturally, I became interested, I knew a Christian, I asked some questions and went along with them to church and soon after started to believe some of what I heard. I latched onto religion at a time when nothing else in my life was really trustworthy, when things were rough... and this is my point, when I found it, I accepted it and took it in because I wanted to, not because I was forced into it or because a leaflet told me I was going to hell if I didn't listen to what I was being told.
I'm no longer a Christian as I have already said, and that is simply because I couldn't understand or justify some of the things I was told to think. The teachings simply didn't mean much to me, and if I couldn't justify what was 'Gods word' how could I justify God? It was a very personal thing, as is religion or a belief to everyone. I respect people who can believe in it, but for me it wasn't right.
One of the things I was told and taught in the Bible was to spread the word of God. If I could tell someone who didn't know, and they then went on to believe, in essense I had saved someone. In the same way, thats all the people who post these leaflets on doorsteps and hold signs in town centres are doing, trying to save people. They have the best intentions at heart, I understand that, I've been in similar situations, but I dislike it.
Christianity came at a time when I needed it, it was a calling card, something to believe in when I didn't have faith in myself. It helped, alot. I'm thankful. Looking back I can see why I choose religion as something to hold onto, but with the religion came the dogma, the change. I soon became another clone to the many millions of other Christians. I was no longer who I felt I really was. No longer myself.
There were good things about having faith in something. I didn't fear death as I believed after death there was life, an eternal world where all would be happy, no pain, no fear, no hate, no war. I wasn't scared of living, I believed it was a test to prepare me for what was to come. I finally had a father figure in my life, not a father who was there but one who had always been there. I almost had an adopted family in the friends I made at church. The thing about faith is that it is just that, a faith, a belief in something that although it might not be seen or be physical you still believe to be real.
I don't doubt some of it is. I'm not saying its wrong... I just couldn't do it myself. Although I had this faith and belief in something I could not see, it was the things I could that made me realise a faith is not the right thing for me, as in me personally. I could see pain, I would see images of war and death and corruption on TV, I felt pain. I simply could not believe in a god who would love the world so much he sent his son to die for us would not make things a little better. I couldn't. I can't.
I do really get interested in Religion, faiths, cults, beliefs and spiritual things though. I find it fascinating. I love the history and poetic thinking written in holy books. I like finding new things, trying new things and finding what other people think. I think looking back I kind of rushed into making a descision, a choice about what I wanted to commit my life to. Christianity was there, is here now and its easy to access. There are churches up and down the country, specialist shops selling Christian books, many a Christian to talk to. Thats the thing, I knew it was close and I could be let into that world, and I did.
Now I see it all like a shop. I can look around and browse whats on offer. I can inspect the clothes and see if I really like them. I can try things on and if it doesn't fit I put it down again because I have no obligation to buy it. I like that.
I still keep with me some of the teachings I learnt while I was a Christian, but I also take teachings from philosophy, other religions and practices, art, literature, music, film, popular culture. I live in a way I have molded for myself now, and if I said I didn't think it was for the better... I'd be lying.
x
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