If it is capable of ending, It never existed.

"Never say you lost a friend because if a friendship is capable of ending, it never even existed."

I'm feeling optimistic today, infact... I would go as far as to say I am feeling better than I have for the last few weeks, mainly due to knowing this time next week I will be on my way home. It's confusing thinking I couldn't wait to leave, and now I can't wait to be back.

It's that old saying that you never know what you have got until It's gone, and although I always loved my family, I think time away has made me appreciate them all the more. This can only be a good thing, but it's one of those things which takes time to understand. I think almost every teenager, infact most people I have come across always dream of that day when they can leave behind their family and home and start a new life somewhere else, and do whatever the hell they want, when they want... I was guilty of this.

I couldn't wait to just be my own person and not have to worry about what I did and what the family would think, but soon after doing this and coming here, that worry is changed for another... and it's not just the people I miss but the familiararity of everything and everyone. The streets which I got so bored of walking every day have been replaced with new ones.

One thing I find more strange is the fact that the things which annoyed me about people, the constant way certain people would moan at me about anything and everything, the hurtful comments I got from family members who didnt realise the things they said were hurtful... the little things which just bug you after time, all of these things are the things I miss the most.

Missing something only makes the heart grow fonder towards the thing you miss, and this for me at the moment is home and everything related to it. I've only been gone just over 3 months (I think), but it feels like a lifetime. Within this time I didn't think I had really changed, or 'grown up' which is what everyone said I would do... but thinking now, I have learnt some valuable lessons while I have lived independently, and I guess this constitutes for 'change'.

The quote I used at the top of this page was on I saw on Twitter, and with recent happenings it really stood out as something which makes sense at this moment in time. I always find it amazing when something can just jump out and speak to you, often when it's from someone you don't know or have never met, but its that understanding, like listening to a song and relating the lyrics. I have always been a believer in the growth aspect of friendship... the fact that if it doesn't work it just needs to be worked on, like a relationship, but in a way, I guess if a friendship breaks and the cracks form early, it's a warning sign to leave it behind, because if the cracks show so early into it is there really any way which this can be fixed?

If it is capable of ending... I guess it never really did exist, and with many friendships I have often had that doubt on the duration it will last. Is this really a good way to begin something so complicated?

And so... I move on I guess. The logical step is to see what happens. If it mends, there will still be the memory of it broken, and trust will be hard to find again. It's been a lesson all of this, and I have learnt, and I reckon grown, and maybe grown up for this... So every cloud and all that.