‘No, no. Listen, listen. He said that if they dug his father's body up, it would be gone. They planted a seed over his grave. The seed became a tree. Moses said his father became a part of that tree. He grew into the wood, into the bloom. And when a sparrow ate the tree's fruit, his father flew with the birds. He said... death was his father's road to awe. That's what he called it. The road to awe.’
I'm not afraid anymore.
I was thinking last night about the journey I’ve been on through life so far. It started okay, I didn't have a terrible childhood or an amazing one, it was just normal. I grew up like many kids, without a father, raised in a single parent household. We had and still have little money, times were rough often, but at the same time I had a loving family, I had a home and I had a quality of life which far outruns that of what many children have.
I'm not afraid anymore.
I was thinking last night about the journey I’ve been on through life so far. It started okay, I didn't have a terrible childhood or an amazing one, it was just normal. I grew up like many kids, without a father, raised in a single parent household. We had and still have little money, times were rough often, but at the same time I had a loving family, I had a home and I had a quality of life which far outruns that of what many children have.
Third world countries starve, I had food. Some kids live on the streets, I had a roof over my head.
Through school although expectations of me were low, I tried my hardest and worked hard, and I got the grades. Grades are not everything, but they give you a worthwhile feeling, like it’s something you can be proud of. I did okay for myself, I broke the expectations, and I tried hard to do that. I’ve gone through life always trying, but I hide the fact I try hard. I hide the work I put into things, and people just think I can naturally do well, when often it’s the opposite and it’s through trying again and again.
And so I’ve been thinking, as always... about the past, the present, the future.
As the wind blows wildly outside and the waters fall, I feel a storm brewing inside myself. There is so much happening and so much has changed, yet I’m still the same person. When I think back to my childhood, of course I remember all of the above, but what I remember the most is how I felt, what I saw through my eyes and felt in my heart.
It’s these things that I remember vividly, and though I’m older now, and some would say wiser, I still feel and see the same things. I see hate, I see disorder, I feel pain, I suffer. I don’t help myself when I should, I let others walk all over me... I guess, what I’m really saying is... it’s always been the same.
This trait in me, this lack of ability to stand up and say enough is enough, is what causes me the most trouble and pain. It makes life harder, in many ways. It means I am an easy target, in many ways. And for all the times I feel myself inside being tormented and for all the times I want to stand my ground... I can’t.
Through school although expectations of me were low, I tried my hardest and worked hard, and I got the grades. Grades are not everything, but they give you a worthwhile feeling, like it’s something you can be proud of. I did okay for myself, I broke the expectations, and I tried hard to do that. I’ve gone through life always trying, but I hide the fact I try hard. I hide the work I put into things, and people just think I can naturally do well, when often it’s the opposite and it’s through trying again and again.
And so I’ve been thinking, as always... about the past, the present, the future.
As the wind blows wildly outside and the waters fall, I feel a storm brewing inside myself. There is so much happening and so much has changed, yet I’m still the same person. When I think back to my childhood, of course I remember all of the above, but what I remember the most is how I felt, what I saw through my eyes and felt in my heart.
It’s these things that I remember vividly, and though I’m older now, and some would say wiser, I still feel and see the same things. I see hate, I see disorder, I feel pain, I suffer. I don’t help myself when I should, I let others walk all over me... I guess, what I’m really saying is... it’s always been the same.
This trait in me, this lack of ability to stand up and say enough is enough, is what causes me the most trouble and pain. It makes life harder, in many ways. It means I am an easy target, in many ways. And for all the times I feel myself inside being tormented and for all the times I want to stand my ground... I can’t.
It doesn’t come naturally to me.
One thing my granddad said to me before I left for Uni was 'Don't let people take advantage of you'... and so far I have failed with that. But looking back... I have always failed with that.
I would think trying to be the best you can be would lead to being happy, but it doesn’t.
One thing my granddad said to me before I left for Uni was 'Don't let people take advantage of you'... and so far I have failed with that. But looking back... I have always failed with that.
I would think trying to be the best you can be would lead to being happy, but it doesn’t.
Fuck. Tell me what it’s worth, please?
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