You have to lose something to gain something

Damn, I keep forgetting to update this thing, and in general most of the things I plan on doing I never get around to doing anyway as new things come that I plan on doing or need to actually do.

Since my last update, things are generally not too bad at all, in fact, they might be rather good.

Creative juices are in full flow, and aside from the minor (once or twice major) hiccup within my mental state, I've been one of those bouncy type people who walk around as if the world has never witnessed pain and wars were never invented or happened.


I love my new house, I seem to have solid friendships almost, I'm enjoying my education more as this year there have been some changes to how the course works... I have little to complain about.

On the one hand, this has all been good, but on the other it hasn't prevented a number of attacks I have made on myself, or old habits have not died, which begs the question... will they ever?

If things are good and I can still create reasons for the bad, or if things are sunny and I can make clouds and react to the rain, then where does this whole thing stop? Will I ever be able to just live and be totally happy and not have to resort to my safe little bubble and control techniques?

It's a strange one, and something I don't understand just yet. I've been looking into getting help for some issues I have, or asking people who have been through similar things what they did, but I can't pluck up the courage to just burst through a door and let a complete stranger tell me how to sort my life out... which maybe I should be willing to do, but which is something that scares the hell out of me.

Anyway, I'm currently working on a new film. It's all about a character reacting to an event in her life and hiding inside herself to escape it. It's proving hard to piece together, but if it works I imagine it will be pretty different to anything I have come up with and worked on before, which can only be a good thing, and even if it fails epically I will hopefully learn some lessons along the way.

I bought a new camera by the way, as in video camera, and I rather love it, but i'm now skint and probably can't afford food... but you have to lose something to gain something right?

This has been long and boring and hasn't made much sense. I better be off.

I'm going as a vampire to a Halloween house party tonight and I'm currently dying from the fumes of this hair dye. It's weird that I'm actually going to a house party, I normally avoid social things like the plague, but this year I am attempting to cure some of my fears and get into the habit of doing more things and not being alone all the time.

Anyway, happy Halloween people!

Hugs and puppies,

Moi

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